“To nonwriters, personal risk in writing sounds very bizarre. After all, we’re not ice climbing or running the Colorado River in a raft made of three planks. We’re sitting down and moving our hands. Not so much risk there. But the risk of writing is an internal risk. You brave the depths of your own being and then, oh my, bring it up for commentary by the world. Not the work of wimps.”
-Laraine Herring-
When I first read this, I thought I understood it perfectly. Of course there’s a personal risk, I said. It’s so obvious. But, alas, I didn’t really get it, not completely. Only now I am beginning to understand where the personal risk lies, besides the obvious exposure to the world’s opinions deal (which is not to be taken lightly. It’s a scary thing). And it is the part Herring describes as braving the depths of your own being.
Because, as a writer, you will eventually have to become aware of your own demons as a human being.
It is what’s happening to me, at least. I’m starting to notice a certain habit of mine when I am faced with a particularly difficult scene or situation in my writing. I start to get anxious and distracted and wishing I was doing something else. Anything looks more interesting than sitting there and do the actual work.
And I can do that for days.
It gets so hard to remain there, uncomfortable, instead of dropping it and giving up. My friends, I have mastered the art of procrastination.
I know it’s nothing but fear and resistance. Fear of life. Resistance to discover what’s beyond the scary, uncomfortable feelings.
Fear and resistance. My very own personal demons.
The worst part is realizing that I do exactly the same in my life in general. The horror! Although, that shouldn’t be surprising. I believe that the way we approach every task ahead of us is a reflection of the way we approach life.
I don’t need to know or understand why I do this. I just need to be brave enough to remain there when things get hard or uncomfortable, just to see what happens.
And, of course, breathe deeply.
“The oxygen is giving you fuel. It’s bathing your body with energy. What more could you possibly desire?”
-L.H.
